Weihnachten
by triggerhappy.antagonist
Summary: Ed And Al Celebrate Their First Christmas With Roy. [A Collection Of Cute Christmas Oneshots] Weihnachten Means Christmas In German. Aren't Foreign Languages Cool!
1. Giving Gifts

**Whoop-Dee-Doo! Chibi Christmas Oneshots! …Yeah, I Know That Everyone Hates Christmas These Days, But I Don't Care. I Shall Continue To Write Christmas Fanfics! For The Sake Of Chibi Lovers Everywhere! –Cue Lights And Fireworks-**

**----------------------------------MERRYFRIGGIN'CHRISTMAS--------------------------------------**

**CHRISTMAS ONESHOT NUMBER 1**

"_Go on…_"

Beads of sweat dotted Alphonse's forehead. His chocolate-grey eyes were expanded in fear, dark pupils dilated and quivering.

And yet, he placed his foot down and took a cautious step.

"_You can do it…_"

His entire figure was shivering, despite the fact that he was clad in Winter clothes. His teeth were chattering noisily in his mouth, so loud he could actually hear them, and assumed the others could hear them as well.

And yet, he took another step.

"_A little bit farther…_"

The sound of his boots hitting the smooth, tiled floors reminded him of what he was doing, and that only made his anxiety rise. He wanted so badly to just turn around and bolt, but he was very determined to do this.

And so, he took another step.

"_You're doing great, Al…_"

He had promised he would. He had told Roy that he would do it. Going back now would only disappoint Roy, which in turn would disappoint Ed, which in turn would make Al disappointed in himself.

And so, he took another step.

"_Good boy, you're almost there…_"

Honestly, it wasn't that hard. Ed had done it several times before without hesitation. But Ed was so much more confident than Al! In Al's eyes, Ed was immortal! He could do anything.

And so, he took another step.

"_That's right…keep going…_"

He was only afew feet away from the creature. He craned his neck back to get a good look at the person's face. And visibly shuddered. This was definitely the scariest thing he'd ever done.

And yet, he took another step.

"_Keep going…_"

Roy had told him several times before that the creature was harmless. Al should have believed him. But this creature…he was so huge and scary-looking! He loomed over Al like a giant tower! Al suppressed another shudder.

And yet, he took another step.

"_Go on…_"

Finally, he halted directly in front of the huge creature. Al was too nervous to make eye contact. So instead, he did what he was instructed, and held out the neatly wrapped parcel.

A giant hand descended upon the gift and scooped it from Al's fingers. Al shut his mouth tightly to keep from screaming. He was half-expecting the creature to mercilessly kill him at any moment…

And yet, he remained silent and still.

"_Good job, Al…_"

He could hear the wrapping paper being ripped off, accompanied by a loud gasp. Al, deciding to put his life on the line, lifted his head and stared at the giant creature.

Big fat tears fell from tiny blue eyes and coursed down hard, muscular cheeks. Huge pink lips quivering slightly, along with the rest of the large, muscular body. For a second, Al thought the behemoth would burst into sobs.

And yet, he remained silent and still.

"_You're doing great…_"

The lips parted, allowing the behemoth's booming voice to slide through. "Oh, thank you!" he cried mirthfully, "You have brought great joy upon me!"

He reached down, his large bulging arms shooting straight for Al's small figure. Without a second thought, Al spun on his heel and bolted out the door as fast as he could. He ran all the way back to the car, flung open the door and leapt in. He made sure to securely lock the door before allowing himself to catch his breath.

At that moment, Edward slid into the car beside Al. He gave his brother a proud smile and patted him on the back. Roy flashed him a thumbs up and ruffled his bronze hair.

"Good job, Alphonse! You did it all by yourself! I'm so proud of you!"

Ed agreed with every word Roy said, then added, "Weren't you scared?"

Al thought. Of _course_ he was scared! He was _terrified!_ He hoped he'd never have to do that again! But he wouldn't tell Ed that. "A 'lil bit," he admitted, "but I was brave! He almost _ated_ me, brother! But I got away 'afore he could chomp on me wif his jaws!"

Ed listened intently as Al told him the heroic tale of how he'd bravely walked into HQ and presented the monstrous, man-eating behemoth with his gift.

Roy chuckled, and mentally reminded himself that perhaps next year, he should be the one to give Major Armstrong his Christmas present.

**----------------------------------MERRYFRIGGIN'CHRISTMAS--------------------------------------**

**Yes, Edward And Alphonse Think Armstrong Is A Giant, Man-Eating Carnivore (So Did I , When I First Saw Him!) This Oneshot Is Rather Al-Centric. The Speeches Written In Italic Are Notes Of Encouragement That Roy Gave Al. I Assume Ed And Roy Were Standing By The Door, Watching Al.**

**But Despite The Risks, Al Bravely Sauntered In To HQ And Faced The Monster! Fortunately, He Made It Out Alive, With All His Fingers, Toes And Limbs Intact.**


	2. The Night Before Christmas

**CHRISTMAS ONESHOT NUMBER 2**

'**Twas The Night Before Christmas**

**When All Through The House**

**Not A Creature Was Stirring**

**Not Even A Mouse-**

"Was th' mouse makin' cookies?"

Roy leaned over the large, tattered book to glare at the curious 3-year-old. Edward returned the look with a quizzical raise of his eyebrow.

"Well, did he?" the blonde child asked in a very serious manner. The flummoxed expression in his amber eyes was a clear manifestation that he truly wanted an answer, and was awaiting one.

"No, Ed, it's a different kind of stirring," Roy replied. He then cleared him throat and continued to read.

**The Stockings Were Hung By The Chimney With Care**

**In Hopes That Saint Nicholas Soon Would Be There-**

"Who's sane nickel-ass?" Alphonse questioned, "and why does he have a nickel ass?"

Edward snickered. Roy blinked in confusion, then pretended to be cross.

"Alphonse! Where did you learn that word?" Regularly, Roy would not have minded if the kids' swore, as long as it wasn't in public. Unfortunately, Hawkeye caught Ed saying 'shit' one afternoon, and had scolded Roy for bad parenting.

"Don't let them swear! It will become a bad habit!" she had lectured the Colonel, "The next time they swear, tell them it's not right! If they continue to use taboo language, wash their mouths out with soap!"

Roy silently awaited Al's answer. The child clicked his tongue and gave Roy a sideways glance. "Well….I leawned it from you…" he responded quietly.

Roy hid his shame behind the tall book. "If I catch you saying that one more time I'll wash your mouth out with soap." He threatened flatly, evoking a gasp from Al. "Uhem, might I also add that it's pronounced SAINT NICHOLAS! Anyway…"

**The Children Were Nestled As Snug In Their Beds**

**While Visions Of Sugar Plums Danced In Their Heads-**

"What're sugah plums?" Al whispered to Ed.

**And Mamma In Her 'Kerchief**

**And I In My Cap**

**Has Just Settled Down For A Long Winter's Nap**

**When Out On The Lawn There Arose Such A Clatter**

**I Sprang From The Bed To See What Was The Matter**

**Away To The Window I Flew Like A Flash-**

"How does a flash fly?" Ed interrupted for the umpteenth time,

"What is a flash?" Al quipped. Roy ignored both of them and continued on.

**Tore Open The Shutters**

**And Threw Up The Sash-**

"Why didn't he use the toilet? Thas' better for frowing-up in." Ed stated whilst lazily picking at a loose thread on his pajamas. "Didn't his Muver eber tell him not to barf ousside?"

Roy sighed, he hadn't even finished half the story…

**The Moon On The Breast Of The New-Fallen Snow**

**Gave The Lustre Of Midday To Objects Below-**

"No idea what that means…" Ed mumbled.

**When, What To My Wondering Eyes Should Appear**

**But A Miniature Sleigh And Eight Tiny Reindeer**

**With A Little Old Driver, So Lively And Quick**

**I Knew In A Moment It Must Be Saint Nick-**

"Again wif th' sane nickel-ass? Whas' with that guy?" Al groaned dramatically.

"Alphonse Elric!" Roy snapped venomously, "Either hold your tongue, or grab a bar of soap!"

Al gasped and immediately grabbed his tongue.

**More Rapid Than Eagles, His Coursers They Came**

**He Whistled And Shouted And Called Them By Name**

"**Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer And Vixen!"**

**On Comet! On Cupid! On Donder And Blitzen!"-**

"Basher and dancer and prancer and virgin!" Al repeated excitedly, "Comed and stupid and donden and blister!"

Ed rubbed his hands together mischievously, "It's huntin' season!" he cackled, causing Al to shriek in shock.

**To The Top Of The Porch!**

**To The Top Of The Wall!**

**Now Dash Away, Dash Away, Dash Away All!**

**As Dry Leaves That Before The Wild Hurricane Fly**

**When They Met With An Obstacle Mount To The Sky-**

"More vetamanese!" Ed cried in exasperation. He was obviously tired of hearing the strange, stupefying verses.

**So Up To The Housetop The Coursers They Flew**

**With A Sleigh Full Of Toys, And Saint Nicholas Too-**

Al opened his mouth to say something, but hastily snapped it shut when Roy proceeded to brush his hands around his mouth in a manner reminiscent to that of a child brushing his teeth...with soap.

**And Then, In A Twinkling, I Heard On The Roof**

**The Prancing And Pawing Of Each Little Hoof**

**As I Drew In My Hand, And Was Turning Around**

**Down The Chimney Saint Nicholas Came With A Bound-**

"Is he a burger?" Ed inquired, eyes widening in surprise. It took Roy a moment to fathom what Ed meant.

"No, he's not a burglar. He's a good guy."

**He Was Dressed All In Fur**

**From His Head To His Foot-**

"He mus' be a gopher!" Al exclaimed, happy to be hearing a story about animals.

**And His Clothes Were All Tarnished**

**With Ashes And Soot**

**A Bundle Of Toys He Had Thrown On His Back**

**He Looked Like A Peddler Just Opening His Pack-**

"A peddler wides a bicycle, right?" Ed questioned his brother, Al nodded his head.

**His Eyes- How They Twinkled!**

**His Dimples How Merry!**

**His Cheeks Were Like Roses**

**His Nose Like A Cherry-**

"He mus' be a fweak..." Ed grumbled, shaking his head sadly. "Poor fweak!" Al quipped.

**His Droll Little Mouth Was Drawn Up Like A Bow**

**And The Beard On His Chin Was As White As The Snow-**

Al shuddered. "He sounds like Mistah Armstwong!" he squeaked. Roy stifled a chuckle and tried to keep his voice stoic as he continued.

**The Stump Of A Pipe He Held In His Teeth**

**And The Smoke It Encircled His Head Like A Wreath-**

"Does his Doctor know 'bout that?" Al piped curiously. Roy grunted in response and proceeded to read.

**He Had A Broad Face And A Round Little Belly**

**That Shook When He Laughed Like A Bowl Full Of Jelly**

**He Was Chubby And Plump, A Right Jolly Old Elf-**

"Why dun' they just write, "He was fat. Th' end.?" Ed asked, as more of a statement than a question.

**And I Laughed When I Saw Him**

**In Spite Of Myself**

**A Wink Of His Eye And A Twist Of His Head**

**Soon Gave Me To Know I Had Nothing To Dread-**

"You mus' be joking!" Al blurted. "I would be scared if I eber saw Mistah Nickel-ass! And I would scweam and run away and hide in th' cwoset!"

Ed rolled his eyes. "I would just shoot him to deaf wif a gun." He stated proudly, feeling brave.

**He Spoke Not A Word, But Went Straight To His Work**

**And Filled All The Stockings**

**Then Turned With A Jerk**

**And Laying His Finger Aside Of His Nose-**

"Nose-picker! Nose-picker!" Al sang, very unapproved of this so-called Nickel-ass's actions.

**And Giving A Nod, Up The Chimney He Rose**

**He Sprang To His Sleigh, To His Team Gave A Whistle**

**And Away They All Flew Like The Down Of A Thistle-**

Al let out a lazy yawn, which in turned evoked a yawn from Ed. Roy couldn't tell if it was because the story was boring, or they were just tired. But he continued nonetheless.

**But I Heard Him Exclaim**

**Ere He Drove Out Of Sight,**

"**Happy Christmas To All! And To All A Good Night!"**

Roy exhaled contently and shut the book. That must have been the longest story he'd ever read. It could have conceivably been longer due to the fact that the boy's kept interrupting…of course, they are just kids.

Speaking of which…

Roy glanced down at the floor, just to discover that the two boys' were fast asleep on the rug. The raven-haired man refrained from carrying them to bed, and instead gently prodded them with his finger.

"Come on boys, go to bed," he ordered softly. In their half-conscious state, both kids managed to struggle to their feet and stagger into their bedroom.

As they disappeared into the room, Roy heard Al mumble quietly,

"I still dun' get why Sane Nickel-ass has a nickel ass…"

--------------------------------**MERRY FRIGGIN'CHRISTMAS-----------------------------**

**We've All Heard The Story, "The Night Before Christmas," Haven't We? To Be Blunt, I See It As Very Boring And A Totally Time-Waster. Also, The Description Of Saint Nicholas Makes Him Sound Like A Freak. I Must Remember To Ask Clement Clarke Moore What Possessed Him To Describe The Fictional Character In Such A Creepy Manner.**


	3. Pwesents

**A Big Thanks To Everyone Who Reviewed! I Appreciate It Very Much.**

**----------------------------------MERRYFRIGGIN'CHRISTMAS--------------------------------------**

"Lookie Woy, lookie what we got!" Edward exclaimed early one morning as he came bursting through the front door with Alphonse trailing behind.

Roy tore his gaze from the newspaper he was currently reading to regard the young 3-year-olds. "What did we get, Ed?"

Edward hastily ran back outside and returned moments later dragging a stack of neatly wrapped parcels, with shiny decorated paper. He pushed the presents right up to Roy and stood back. Al jumped up and down excitedly, looking longingly at the presents.

"See? We got pwesents, Woy! Lotsa lotsa pwesents!" Ed squealed.

Roy scrutinized the parcels carefully, wondering who had sent them. "And how many presents are there?" he asked, always looking for a chance to improve the boys' counting abilities.

"Free," Al replied, "one for you, one for Ed, and one for me!" he paused, "Oh, and a embelope for alla' us."

Al fumbled around in his coat pocket and produced a big red envelope. He handed it over to Roy without even glancing at it. Which was quite expected, as the envelope lacked ribbons, bows and pretty paper.

Roy set his paper down and snatched up the envelope and ripped through the top with his fingernail. "Do you know who sent them?" he questioned Ed whilst pulling a letter from the red envelope.

"Yes," Ed replied without skipping a beat, "th' mailman sended them."

Roy chuckled as he proceeded to unfold the letter and scanned the words with curious onyx eyes.

_Dearest son,_

_One of your little officers told me about the two boys you adopted. And I must say I'm mildly astounded! You, of all people, selflessly adopting two children. I didn't believe it at first! You were always such a player, I thought you'd end up dating 40 different women and having billions of various children! So of course, you can imagine my shock._

_I took the liberty of making presents for the children (And one for you too,) And I do hope you enjoy them._

_Love Mom_

_P.S. Tell them to call me Grandma_

Roy deadpanned. "She hasn't changed a bit…" he mumbled to himself. Ed and Al, who had been waiting quietly for a long time, finally grew impatient and began to tug on Roy's pants.

"Who's it from, Woy? Who's it from?" Ed asked curiously.

"It's from…Grandma." Roy replied, furrowing his brow at the foreign word.

Ed and Al looked shocked. "We has a Gramma?" Al shouted in disbelief.

Roy shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you do…"

"Wow!" Ed cried, clasping his hands together. "I always wanted a Gramma!"

Roy quirked a dark eyebrow at the peculiar statement. Al, who had totally dropped the Grandma topic, was now looming over the presents with a dream-like look in his eyes.

"Can we open th' pwesents now?" he asked longingly.

"Well, that depends." Roy replied, overlooking each present. "Is there any 'Do not open until Christmas' stickers on them?"

Ed snatched up the nearest present and glanced at every angle carefully. "Nope, don't think so," he answered at last.

Al squealed, "Does that mean we can open them?"

"Sure, why not?" Roy picked up the parcel with his name on it and proceeded to tear off the wrapping paper slowly, so as to conserve the bows and ribbons for future gifts.

Ed and Al, on the other hand wasted no time in mercilessly shredding the paper and ribbons off their presents. Underneath the wrapping paper lie plain white boxes, with little or no interesting features attached.

Ed stared at the box, while Al hastily plucked the top off and tossed it aside. His whole face lit up as he pulled out his gift, and held it high for everyone to see.

"Look, Woy! Gramma sended me a puppy!" he proclaimed.

Roy blinked and stared down at the item Al held. Certainly it was not a puppy. In fact, it was actually a fuzzy, hand-knitted green-and-white sweater.

"Al," Roy addressed the excited child, "that's not a puppy. It's a sweater."

Al refused to believe him. "No, it's a puppy, and his name is gonna be Nibbos." He responded as he pet the so-called puppy lovingly.

Ed finally decided to open his parcel. He plucked off the lid, set it aside, and hauled out…

"Look, Woy! Gramma sended me a new sweater!" he blurted gleefully as he tugged the sweater over his head.

Roy expected Al to get it by now, that what he was holding was not a puppy, but a sweater. Unfortunately, he was still stuck on the idea of Grandma sending him a dog.

"…And we'll play ball and house and wead books and I'll feed you cheese…" Al rambled on to his "dog". Ed, after finally tugging the sweater into a comfortable position, was quite surprised when he felt something slide out the clothing and onto the floor.

He was even more surprised when he looked down and found himself gazing at a shiny, brand-new dollar coin. "Wow, monies!" he cried, picking it up.

At the same moment, something slipped out of Al's sweater as well. When he leaned over it, he discovered that it was a coin, like Ed's.

He scooped it up excitedly and held it out to Roy. "Look, Woy! My puppy shit out money!" he exclaimed.

Roy could only laugh.

**----------------------------------MERRYFRIGGIN'CHRISTMAS--------------------------------------**

**This Was More Of A Joke Than A Christmas Fanfic. It Was Actually My Brother Who Wrote It (The Brother Who Also Wrote The 18th Chapter Of Edward's Balomi,) I, Personally Though It Was Incredibly Hilarious, And I Hope It Gives You A Good Laugh Too.**


	4. Ed's Letter

**Harketh! 'Tis A Fine Day For Writing Fanfics, Aai? Thanks To Everyone Who Reviewed! Very Much Appreciated! HAIL THE NEW LORD BABY JESUS!**

-------------------------**MERRYFRIGGIN'CHRISTMAS-------------------------------------**

It was what Roy dubbed "One of those nights"; A cold, calm evening in mid December. A moonless sky stretched stoically above, far as the eye could see. Swirls of soft snowflakes had proceeded to fall all throughout the afternoon, and late into the eve. Even though the grey moon was not to be seen, the snow-covered ground glowed magnificently in colors of silver and pastel.

The flame in the fireplace flickered endlessly, and hungrily licked at the coal-colored log. The bright golden light illuminating from the flame danced in the amber eyes of a 3-year-old child as he sat silently on a wooden chair nearby the hearth. In his left hand he clutched tightly to the smooth paper encircling a red crayon. In his lap, he held a crisp sheet of paper, which was entirely blank save for the very center, where he'd carefully outlined the face of a young man with raven hair and dark obsidian eyes.

Eyebrows knitted together in frustration, the child's mouth curved into a scowl as he overlooked the sheet of paper. His cherry lips parted, and he noisily hollered into the next room,

"Woy! I need help!"

A sigh escaped from the mouth of a tall man. Raven locks of hair brushed against pale cheeks as he swiftly jerked his head around. Cold, onyx eyes clashed against warm amber ones as he replied impassively, "What do you want, Edward?"

The child, Edward, was quick to respond. "How d' you spell to?" there was an innocent air to his voice, one which was disregarded by the elder man.

"T-w-o," was Roy's reply, assuming Edward had inquired how to spell the number. There was a moment of silence, before the same innocent voice piped up,

"How d' you spell Merry Cwis'mas?"

Roy contemplated how to answer this, and finally decided upon, "M-e-r-r-y X-m-a-s." Albeit he knew it was inappropriate and considered a taboo way to spell Christmas.

Another bout of silence occurred, and then, "How d' you spell Woy?"

As in my name? Why would he want to know that? Roy thought to himself, but he proceeded to reply, "R-o-y."

More silence. The sound of crayon roughly running across paper sounded. Followed by, "What's th' symbol for lobe?"

Once again, the ebony-haired man blinked in utter confusion. "A heart, I believe,"

There was another moment of silence, though this one lasted much longer than the others. In a tentatively hesitant voice, Edward asked, "How d' you spell Edward?"

"E-d-w-a-r-d," Roy answered without skipping a beat. Now this question was asked frequently, as the children were eager to learn how to correctly spell their names.

A pause ensued, the sound of crayon scratching paper continued. Roy tried to pretend that he didn't care, but deep down he was becoming very curious about what the youngster was up to. He thought it best to keep the question to himself. When Edward felt the need to explain what he was doing, he would tell him. Until then, Roy would be patient.

It took naught but a minute for Edward to finish. The sound of bare feet padding against tiled floors echoed softly off the walls as the child ran quickly –yet cautiously- into the room Roy was occupying.

Without a word, Edward trotted over to Roy and shoved his sheet of paper into the older mans' hands. He gave his surrogate Father an angelic smile, before silently leaving the room to retire to his bedroom.

Roy watched him go, feeling very perplexed. His eyes trailed down to the paper Edward had given him, and he slowly began to decipher the messy child's scrawl written upon it.

His lips curved into a large grin, obsidian eyes shining with endearment and delight.

Carefully written on the crisp paper was the words;

Two Roy

Merry X-mas!

-Edward

A small doodle of a black-haired man took up most of the space in the center.

And, at the bottom left corner, a large red heart had been lovingly drawn.

-------------------------**MERRYFRIGGIN'CHRISTMAS-------------------------------------**

**Bless! Dear Little Edward Has Made His First Christmas Card For Roy! HOW TOUCHING! Go Ahead, Mock It, Burn It, Call It Sap…I Like It, And That's All That Matters. Because My Happiness Comes Before Yours. Remember That! XD**

**(This Is Based On A True Story, Though It Took Place On Valentines Day Instead Of Christmas. My Toddler-Aged Cousin Ethan Gave Me An Adorable Little Valentines Card, And Had Lovingly Written "To –My Name-, Love Ethan" In It, Accompanied By Several Pink And Red Hearts. I Still Have It In My Room Somewhere.)**


End file.
